No one wants to feel shamed. And why should they? If a member of a couple is afraid of being singled out as solely responsible for the conflict, of course they would be resistant to counseling. Let’s acknowledge that couples are a system. Even if the presenting issue is infidelity, for example, it did not occur in a vacuum. This does not mean that breaking the agreed-to relationship rules is okay, or that the non-adulterous partner is to blame. What it does mean, however, is that the couples session is a blame-free zone, and a place to focus on how to strengthen the relationship. Ideally, the therapist creates a safe space for the couple to share their feelings with each other, exploring together what went awry, how and if trust can be re-established, and ways to eventually move forward. Judgment (on the part of the therapist) has no place in couples counseling. No sides are taken. The spotlight shines on how to improve communication and the dynamics of the relationship.
If worry over being labeled “the problem one” in a relationship has been keeping you from seeking help, don’t allow it to be a barrier any longer. Asking for support in improving your relationship skills takes courage and shows your commitment to making things between the two of you even better. Call me at 949-648-7991 to schedule an appointment now and get started on getting back that strong connection with your partner.