Earlier this week, I found myself in what I’d call a “blue mood.” There wasn’t anything tangible that was wrong, per se, but I noticed that I had dipped a bit below my comfortable baseline of contentment. Once I realized what was going on internally, I was able to step back and take an observer’s view. In my head, it sounded something like this: “Ah, it looks like I’m a bit down. I wonder what that’s about. I know that I won’t stay in this emotional place forever, but I’m here now, and that’s okay.” I recognized the feeling, my internal thoughts about the feeling and accepted that it’s where I was at that moment. I didn’t try to flee from the emotion; it was a tolerable one. The paradox is, of course, that it soon dissipated once I did the work of acknowledging it. This may sound counterintuitive. Just noticing and letting it be, it actually provides a return to equilibrium? The answer, more often than not, is yes. What’s been your experience with noticing and acknowledging your moods?
Do you ever find yourself awash on a sea of emotions? Does it ever seem like your feelings are taking over, and that you are not in control? Many of us have the experience, from time to time, of being caught up in an uncomfortable mood and not sure what to do about it. We can find ourselves doing mental gymnastics trying hard to feel better and heaping on self-criticism in an attempt to “just snap out of it.”
Earlier this week, I found myself in what I’d call a “blue mood.” There wasn’t anything tangible that was wrong, per se, but I noticed that I had dipped a bit below my comfortable baseline of contentment. Once I realized what was going on internally, I was able to step back and take an observer’s view. In my head, it sounded something like this: “Ah, it looks like I’m a bit down. I wonder what that’s about. I know that I won’t stay in this emotional place forever, but I’m here now, and that’s okay.” I recognized the feeling, my internal thoughts about the feeling and accepted that it’s where I was at that moment. I didn’t try to flee from the emotion; it was a tolerable one. The paradox is, of course, that it soon dissipated once I did the work of acknowledging it. This may sound counterintuitive. Just noticing and letting it be, it actually provides a return to equilibrium? The answer, more often than not, is yes. What’s been your experience with noticing and acknowledging your moods?
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Our brains are wonderful, powerful tools that help us reason and plan. But when we're stressed and overcome with worry, we can find ourselves in a vicious cycle of overthinking. This week, clinicians offered their tips on PersonalDevelopmentCafe.com on how to put an end to overthinking. Ideas included meditation, mindfulness, and more. See #6 to read my contribution on stopping the "analysis paralysis" by asking yourself one simple question. What works for you when you find yourself in a loop of anxious thoughts?
Click here to learn How To Stop Overthinking. I learned of these two Thursday night events coming up in October and wanted to share.
Oct. 17th in Irvine Naturopath Duane Law will be teaching a class on how curbing your sugar intake can help your physical, and mental, health. Click here for more info. Oct. 24th in Fullerton Chicken Soup for the Silver Soul is holding a mini-meeting called Sip of Soup. This one's on the affordable care act, and it's free! Click here for more info. Hope that you can make it. Enjoy! ![]() Being a caregiver can be a difficult job, both physically and emotionally. Caring for a loved one in your home or nearby has many challenges. But what if your loved one is in another town, state, or country? Long-distance caregivers face different obstacles that complicate caregiving. Shiffy Crane, a well-respected Geriatric Care Manager in Orange County, CA, talked on this subject in February of this year. I was delighted to be part of the audience at the Senior Care Professionals breakfast sponsored in part by the Alzheimer's Association and Atria Golden Creek and to have the opportunity to hear her tips. Here are three ideas that I want pass along:
Much appreciation to Shiffy Crane for her tireless efforts in educating the Orange County community on elder care issues. For more information about Shiffy, visit her website at www.elder-care-manager.com. ![]() What comes to mind when you think about parents and kids sitting down for a difficult conversation? Most people might envision parents having a heart-to-heart with their teen about the birds and the bees or substance abuse. But what if the kids are in their 30s, 40s, or 50s, and the topics they want to discuss include whether or not mom should turn over the keys to the car for good or what happens if dad has a stroke and needs long term care? Family dynamics and communication styles play a large role in how these talks will proceed. If lines of communication were never transparent in a family, it’s likely that approaching an aging parent will be more challenging. Moving, money, health, and driving are commonly the trickiest topics to discuss with older adults (D’Aprix, 2010). This is due to the fact that, often, the parent is concerned about losing autonomy and shifting into a more dependent role. For decades, they’ve been the ones in charge of their own finances, home, and lifestyle, and often see no reason to cede control to their children. Adult children, however, may be worried about their parents’ safety and wellbeing, yet be uncomfortable transitioning to a caregiving role. While broaching the tough topics with aging parents may be challenging, there are some methods that can help. Talking to parents before a health setback or other crisis occurs is paramount. Choose a calm, quiet, appropriate time and place to start a dialogue, and gauge if both you and your parent is in a relaxed mindset to have a discussion. These talks don’t have to be drawn out; twenty minutes is fine. Be sure to continue to keep talking at regular intervals. To avoid a power struggle, make the goal of the talks clear: maximizing the independence of the aging parent (Edmonds, 2012). The safer, healthier, and more financially organized the parent is, the longer the parent will be able to maintain the maximum autonomy. You, as the adult child, are there to assist and support this goal as long as safely feasible. References: D’Aprix, A. (2010, November 17). Challenges of communication between older adults [Video file]. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com /watch?v=b1sLvrTlaUo Edmonds, D.S. (2006-2012). Talk to elderly parents about the future. Retrieved July 25, 2012, from http://www.talk-early-talk-often.com/talk-to-elderly.html I'm excited to report that my guest blog for nutritionist Gini Warner was just published. A brief look at emotional eating: is it a coping mechanism for negative feelings, or just a habit? Click the link below for the full article.
http://www.healthbygini.com/2012/07/emotional-eating-just-a-habit/ _ If you are a caregiver to a family member, let me start off by acknowledging how difficult it can be and how much energy you must be expending just to get yourself and your loved one through the day. While it may be a lonely endeavor, you are actually, not alone. According to a 2009 report by the National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with AARP, more than 65 million people, 29% of the U.S. population, provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend during any given year and spend an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved one.
The role of caregiver is often not one that we choose, but is often thrust upon us by circumstance. We are often not prepared for what caregiving entails, and this can lead to feelings of overwhelm and depression. While there are no easy answers or simple solutions, here are three ways to take care of yourself while taking care of another. 1. Enlist social support. Asking for help can feel vulnerable. After all, we want to feel like we can handle it all. But going it alone can quickly lead to burnout. Ask friends, family members, and your community for help, and be specific. Depending on the person you’re asking, you might need emotional support, practical assistance such as help picking up prescriptions, caregiving respite, or help gathering information such as local caregiver resources. Keep in mind that others generally feel good about helping and will welcome being given concrete things they can do to support you. 2. Enhance your problem-solving skills. Research shows that if a caregiver considers him or herself an effective problem-solver, they have a higher level of confidence in their ability to handle issues and complications that might arise; they also have increased ability to monitor their reactions and stress levels. This increase in confidence is linked to caregiver well-being and a decrease in depression. You can increase your problem-solving skills by establishing more streamlined routines and by sharing information with other caregivers. 3. Make time for yourself Not neglecting your own needs might be the hardest of these suggestions to follow through on. Feelings of guilt are common, and it may seem like there isn’t time in the day. Without taking care of ourselves, however, we have nothing left to give others and we end up harming our own health. Identify what recharges you and make sure you make the time for it on a regular basis. Maybe it’s a yoga class, coffee with a friend, a few hours out of the house. Honor yourself by making your needs a priority. Is there something that you've tried that has worked to decrease caregiver stress? Anything that you'd caution others to avoid? Please add your voice to the conversation by commenting below. ![]() On December 13th I was interviewed on Broad Topics Radio Show (www.broadtopicsradio.com) about tips for staying mentally healthy over the holidays. The fabulous hosts and I covered a lot but, due to time constraints, some key points didn't make it on the show. Read on for more suggestions about how to thrive over the holidays: Family traditions can be comforting. They are something that we can count on that gives us a sense of place, of security. Family dynamics or external circumstances can change, however, and we can outgrow these traditions. So-called "entrances and exits," such as divorce, the birth of a baby, marriage, or a loved-one's death, alter family dynamics. Financial constraints due to job loss or a hike in the cost of plane tickets home also might force us to take a look at our traditions and see what needs changing. Examining our traditions to decide on their appropriateness to our current family system can be scary. Some people have a hard time with change. However, sticking with outmoded traditions can put pressure and stress on us, taking away from our enjoyment of the holidays. Here are some things to consider: 1. To Bake or Not to Bake Is spending a whole day baking Christmas cookies something you look forward to? If the answer is yes, fantastic. Do it. If you feel your blood pressure rising at the thought, how about skipping it this year? 2. The Feast Along the same lines as the cookies, do you really enjoy making the whole holiday dinner? If not, you're in luck. There are many options such as organizing a potluck, ordering a pre-made meal from a grocery store, or even grabbing the family and heading to a restaurant to celebrate, budget-allowing. 3. Gifts Speaking of budgets, how much are you comfortable spending on holiday gifts? If you don't feel that you can afford to give a present to everyone in your family and circle of friends, what about just shopping for the kids? Or, picking "Secret Santas" and just buying for one person? Some families have chosen to "take back" Christmas from its current focus on commercialism and not exchange gifts at all. 4. Making Memories A family-focused activity can be a rich and rewarding way to spend time over the holidays. Getting off the couch to head outside for some exercise (ie: snowshoeing, hiking, ice skating) can decrease stress levels and foster family bonds. Other traditions to examine are how much to decorate and whether or not to send out holiday cards. Again, if you love the traditions that you and your family engages in, enjoy them fully! If you find stress creeping in at the thought of them, though, consider why you are still doing them. Decreasing stress and ceasing engaging in unrewarding activities just because "that's the way we've always done it in my family" can truly lighten your load and make your holiday more fulfilling. Happy Holidays! (To hear my interview on Broad Topics Radio, click here and download the 12/14/11 podcast.) |
AuthorMarnee Reiley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working with couples and adults in Irvine, Orange County, California. Archives
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