Do you ever find yourself awash on a sea of emotions?  Does it ever seem like your feelings are taking over, and that you are not in control?  Many of us have the experience, from time to time, of being caught up in an uncomfortable mood and not sure what to do about it.  We can find ourselves doing mental gymnastics trying hard to feel better and heaping on self-criticism in an attempt to “just snap out of it.”
 
Earlier this week, I found myself in what I’d call a “blue mood.”  There wasn’t anything tangible that was wrong, per se, but I noticed that I had dipped a bit below my comfortable baseline of contentment.  Once I realized what was going on internally, I was able to step back and take an observer’s view.  In my head, it sounded something like this:  “Ah, it looks like I’m a bit down.  I wonder what that’s about.  I know that I won’t stay in this emotional place forever, but I’m here now, and that’s okay.”  I recognized the feeling, my internal thoughts about the feeling and accepted that it’s where I was at that moment.  I didn’t try to flee from the emotion; it was a tolerable one.  The paradox is, of course, that it soon dissipated once I did the work of acknowledging it.  This may sound counterintuitive.  Just noticing and letting it be, it actually provides a return to equilibrium?   The answer, more often than not, is yes.  What’s been your experience with noticing and acknowledging your moods? 

Our brains are wonderful, powerful tools that help us reason and plan.  But when we're stressed and overcome with worry, we can find ourselves in a vicious cycle of overthinking.  This week, clinicians offered their tips on PersonalDevelopmentCafe.com on how to put an end to overthinking.  Ideas included meditation, mindfulness, and more.  See #6 to read my contribution on stopping the "analysis paralysis" by asking yourself one simple question.  What works for you when you find yourself in a loop of anxious thoughts?

Click here to learn How To Stop Overthinking.

I learned of these two Thursday night events coming up in October and wanted to share.  

Oct. 17th in Irvine
Naturopath Duane Law will be teaching a class on how curbing your sugar intake can help your physical, and mental, health.  Click here for more info.

Oct. 24th in Fullerton
Chicken Soup for the Silver Soul is holding a mini-meeting called Sip of Soup.  This one's on the affordable care act, and it's free!  Click here for more info.

Hope that you can make it. Enjoy!

Being a caregiver can be a difficult job, both physically and emotionally.  Caring for a loved one in your home or nearby has many challenges.  But what if your loved one is in another town, state, or country?  Long-distance caregivers face different obstacles that complicate caregiving.  Shiffy Crane, a well-respected Geriatric Care Manager in Orange County, CA, talked on this subject in February of this year.  I was delighted to be part of the audience at the Senior Care Professionals breakfast sponsored in part by the Alzheimer's Association and Atria Golden Creek and to have the opportunity to hear her tips.  Here are three ideas that I want pass along:

• Enlist the help of local resources.  Be it a friendly neighbor, a professional caregiver, or a distant relative, another set of eyes and ears checking in on your loved one will give you more information and peace of mind.

• Remember your own balance.  Though you may be concerned with your loved one, you have the right to live your own life and to take care of your needs, too.

• Make time for fun.  When you visit your loved one,it's easy to switch into "caregiver mode" and get busy with tasks.  While this is important, it's also crucial to allot "quality time" to reconnect with your loved one.

Much appreciation to Shiffy Crane for her tireless efforts in educating the Orange County community on elder care issues.  For more information about Shiffy, visit her website at www.elder-care-manager.com.

What comes to mind when you think about parents and kids sitting down for a difficult conversation?  Most people might envision parents having a heart-to-heart with their teen about the birds and the bees or substance abuse.  But what if the kids are in their 30s, 40s, or 50s, and the topics they want to discuss include whether or not mom should turn over the keys to the car for good or what happens if dad has a stroke and needs long term care?

Family dynamics and communication styles play a large role in how these talks will proceed.  If lines of communication were never transparent in a family, it’s likely that approaching an aging parent will be more challenging. Moving, money, health, and driving are commonly the trickiest topics to discuss with older adults (D’Aprix, 2010).  This is due to the fact that, often, the parent is concerned about losing autonomy and shifting into a more dependent role.  For decades, they’ve been the ones in charge of their own finances, home, and lifestyle, and often see no reason to cede control to their children.  Adult children, however, may be worried about their parents’ safety and wellbeing, yet be uncomfortable transitioning to a caregiving role.

While broaching the tough topics with aging parents may be challenging, there are some methods that can help.  Talking to parents before a health setback or other crisis occurs is paramount.  Choose a calm, quiet, appropriate time and place to start a dialogue, and gauge if both you and your parent is in a relaxed mindset to have a discussion.  These talks don’t have to be drawn out; twenty minutes is fine.  Be sure to continue to keep talking at regular intervals.  To avoid a power struggle, make the goal of the talks clear: maximizing the independence of the aging parent (Edmonds, 2012).  The safer, healthier, and more financially organized the parent is, the longer the parent will be able to maintain the maximum autonomy.  You, as the adult child, are there to assist and support this goal as long as safely feasible.

References:

D’Aprix, A. (2010, November 17). Challenges of                  communication between older adults   [Video file]. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com            /watch?v=b1sLvrTlaUo

Edmonds, D.S. (2006-2012).  Talk to elderly parents about the future.  Retrieved July 25, 2012, from http://www.talk-early-talk-often.com/talk-to-elderly.html