Do you ever find yourself awash on a sea of emotions?  Does it ever seem like your feelings are taking over, and that you are not in control?  Many of us have the experience, from time to time, of being caught up in an uncomfortable mood and not sure what to do about it.  We can find ourselves doing mental gymnastics trying hard to feel better and heaping on self-criticism in an attempt to “just snap out of it.”
 
Earlier this week, I found myself in what I’d call a “blue mood.”  There wasn’t anything tangible that was wrong, per se, but I noticed that I had dipped a bit below my comfortable baseline of contentment.  Once I realized what was going on internally, I was able to step back and take an observer’s view.  In my head, it sounded something like this:  “Ah, it looks like I’m a bit down.  I wonder what that’s about.  I know that I won’t stay in this emotional place forever, but I’m here now, and that’s okay.”  I recognized the feeling, my internal thoughts about the feeling and accepted that it’s where I was at that moment.  I didn’t try to flee from the emotion; it was a tolerable one.  The paradox is, of course, that it soon dissipated once I did the work of acknowledging it.  This may sound counterintuitive.  Just noticing and letting it be, it actually provides a return to equilibrium?   The answer, more often than not, is yes.  What’s been your experience with noticing and acknowledging your moods? 

I just contributed to a column on How to Practice Self Love. Over 50 therapists added their ideas.  Here's my take on it...find the full article at this link:  Observing Your Thoughts without Judgment.

Our brains are wonderful, powerful tools that help us reason and plan.  But when we're stressed and overcome with worry, we can find ourselves in a vicious cycle of overthinking.  This week, clinicians offered their tips on PersonalDevelopmentCafe.com on how to put an end to overthinking.  Ideas included meditation, mindfulness, and more.  See #6 to read my contribution on stopping the "analysis paralysis" by asking yourself one simple question.  What works for you when you find yourself in a loop of anxious thoughts?

Click here to learn How To Stop Overthinking.

I've been really enjoying Sarah Manguso's spare and concise writing lately, and have read three of her non-fiction books.  "Two Kinds of Decay" is a memoir about managing the physical and emotional toll of her chronic illness.  In "The Guardians, an Elegy for a Friend," she writes of a dear friend's death by suicide.  Her latest book is a deconstructed memoir, scattered thoughts and moments taken from her personal diaries.  Here's one passage that was of particular interest to me:

"Marriage isn't a fixed experience. It's a continuous one. It changes form but is still always there, a rivulet under a frozen stream. Now, when I feel a break in the continuity of 'till death do us part,' I think to myself, 'Get back in the river.'"     
       ~ Sarah Manguso in Ongoingness, The End of a Diary

Certainly not the perspective that popular culture, fairy tales, and romance novels present.  Sarah Manguso takes us beyond the one-time vow of "I do" and reminds us that in marriage, the "I do" is a daily mindful decision.  What are your thoughts on marriage and other committed relationships?

Today's the first day of spring.  What a wonderful opportunity to take pause and consider the changing of the seasons.  It's a time that signifies rebirth and renewal.  

We can get so caught up in everyday details, rushing from task to task, appointment to appointment.  Why not take a moment to slow down and set an intention for the new season?  Setting an intention doesn't need to mean making a resolution for a specific accomplishment, although it can if that's meaningful to you.  I'm looking at it more from a mindset perspective; setting an intention in more psychological terms.  One thing I'd like to remember is to bring my restless mind back to the present moment and drink in life as it's unfolding.

What's an intention you'd like to set?  I'd love to hear your ideas.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of pausing.  Reflection.  Mindfulness. 

Many of us lead busy lives, and we like it that way.  Being always on the go feels good, like something is being accomplished.  We feel energized, productive.  But to what end are we racing? 

I recently reached a big goal in my life that I’d been working to achieve for nearly seven years.  My finish line had been so concrete, so unwavering.  I saw it and kept moving in its direction, step by step.  The clarity of the goal served as motivation, and helped me continue on what was an often-frustrating path filled with obstacles.  And what did I do when I finally reached this self-imposed finish line?  I just kept on running. 

A few days afterwards I came across a post on Facebook.  A woman posted photos of her stove, with a bubbling pot of stew atop, and her dog curled up on the kitchen floor.  The scene looked cozy and nurturing.  She commented that she’d just passed a huge test that had taken months of study and preparation.  Now, she wanted to spend some time in the subsequent week cooking, just for the pleasure of it.  It struck me that this woman had had the self-awareness to pause, appreciate her accomplishment, and turn her attention towards self-care.

As a therapist, I’m a huge fan of self-care.  But reading the Facebook post made me realize that there was room for improvement on that front.  While I may not choose to take a week off to cook, I can find time each day to pause and to appreciate where I’ve been, where I’m going, and, most importantly, where I am in the present moment.  If we make life all about reaching endless finish lines, we may never notice each step along the way.

How do you practice self-care?  How do you incorporate mindfulness into your life?

Saying "no" can be tough stuff, but here are 14 ideas of how to tackle this issue with grace and integrity.  Take a look at my contribution, #10, in this article on the Personal Development Cafe site. 

How to Say 'No' Without Feeling Guilty.

Here's another link to an article published on the Personal Development Cafe site.  Take a look at #7 to see my contribution: Check in with yourself.  How Not To Lose Yourself in a Relationship.

Ah, spring.  A time to pause and take stock, organize and do some deep cleaning.  An opportunity to purge, cull, and rid yourself of unworn clothes, unused items, and other things that are cluttering your space.  It feels great, doesn’t it? 


While taking a load of donations down to Goodwill the other day, I got to thinking about the concept of spring cleaning.  We get to decide what is no longer serving us, and make a conscious choice to expel it from our home environment.  Making the selection to discard something necessarily means that we are also making another set of decisions, namely, what to keep.  If something makes the cut and we choose to keep it after a round of spring cleaning, then logic would tell us that we must value that item in some way.  By eschewing that which we do not wish to hold on to, we are highlighting that which we do want.  The act of mindful valuing is called having gratitude.  Perhaps by creating that moment in which we consider what we’re holding onto, we are reminded of its importance.  I wonder, then, if spring “keeping” can also extend beyond the items in our closets to our values, perceptions, and behaviors?

"The devil's a liar!  Don't listen to him!  There are angels all around you!"

No, these weren't the words belted out across the pews at a church on a Sunday morning.  This was inspiration found in a weekday funk dance class.

I'd decided to try an intriguing new class, CardioFunk, offered at my local gym.  Scanning the others in the studio, it was clear that I wasn't going to be the only one relatively new to this style.  There's something about dancing that can bring out insecurities and self-consciousness, making an otherwise capable adult feel as vulnerable as a gangly teen at a school formal. 

Luckily, the instructor was onto us.  Milo had enough experience teaching hip hop to suburbanites to know that we just might be feeling, well, a touch un-cool.  That's when he started with the verbal support.

"Don't listen to that voice that's bringing you down.  That's the devil and he's a liar! Let loose and dance like you're alone at home."

Milo's words were enthusiastic enough to override the negative thoughts that were threatening to derail our fun.  His message was clear: the more you just go for it, the more confident you'll look and feel.  I often use cognitive behavioral therapy techniques in my counseling work.  I know how powerful our thoughts can be in affecting our feelings.  Who knew I'd be reminded of a principle of psychology in my morning gym class?  Thank you, Milo, for guiding us out of our heads and onto the dance floor.